Paradox

I find it amazingly freeing as life goes on that things in my behavior I would have justified to myself a few months ago I now see my depravity in and feeled grieved about.

One would think it would feel oppresive to feel depraved in your sin, but it is quite liberating to see your depravity in light of God's holiness. It removes all doubt about the rightness or wrongness of what you are doing or thinking. For anyone who is now thinking, "What in the world are you talking about?", let me give you an example.

Tuesday night, we had our last softball game of the season. I thought the other team cheated by skipping one of their worst batters when there were two outs on the board, the bases were loaded and one of their heavy hitters were up to bat after the batter they skipped. The heavy hitter nailed one to the fence, giving our opponents a four run lead. This allowed the other team momentum that we just never recovered from.

How did this make me depraved? I stayed to watch the team that beat us play the next play-off game for the title against the number one team. I proceeded to have a negative attitude about both teams. I could not be happy for either one of them. I did not want either team to win and could not feel good about a victory for either team because I did not feel either team deserved it. The thing that is so sad about my behavior here is that I don't know for sure that the other team skipped that batter on purpose. I just wanted to win so badly that I wanted them to have cheated so I could feel better about losing. So, I can go on justifying my lack of support for either of those teams, or I can say that I should have genuinely supported one of them or both of them in Christian love. I mean, even if they did cheat, that is not for me to sort out. I am only responsible for my reaction to it.

The thing that is liberating in all of this is that the next time this happens, I will be one step closer. I will be able to recognize it for what it is. The bible teaches where pure thoughts come from and how to recognize them. James 3:14-But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, or the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. 17-But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.

So, being able to recognize when my thoughts are depraved is very liberating, indeed, especially having been given such a perfect plan for redemption.